Life is hard...

especially when you do not know what to expect from it. Obviously there is no manual on how to do things. You just have to go through it and deal with it, which is one of the things that make it the hardest. When you get diagnosed with something it makes things that much harder to bear. I was told I have depression. Something I'm still trying to accept. Take the medicine? Don't take the medicine? For some reason it is such a battle for me. Just take the meds...so simple. Just take them. I'm still struggling with what it means to have it and what it is. Not quite sinking in yet, even though it has been over a year. I've gone off them twice now I think. The time before I told myself I wouldn't because it felt like such hell in my body. Everything was off. To be on them, then off feels like the most unstable thing ever for me. But to be off then on feels just the same. I just want to find some kind of common ground. I want help and when I get it I reject it. Then don't go to appointments and the muck is ever present and I don't know what to do with myself. It's such a vicious cycle. The ups are too high and the lows are too low. I do not know what to do with myself.

my life...

my life sucks....at this point i feel as if it is over....

Weird things...

My friends n I we talk about allt he wierd stuff that ppl don wanna say or can't say without blushing.. i think it's funny,..whn we hve one of these conversations n sumone not used to us is around they are like really taken aback...thn we jus reassure them n say get used it..this is normak for us..haha....

Wahaha!!!!

This is like my 3rd...4th??? blog...i'm starting a collection.....haha.....